Creative bug

Every once in a while I get this crazy creative bug that won't leave me alone, it's like I'm in another place in my mind and I'm constantly thinking of stories I want to write someday or ideas for all kinds of things I want to create. It's neat and annoying all at the same time. I can't sleep as well when this is going on and have a hard time with paying attention to anything else when I'm focused on something I'm doing, not good as I have 3 little boys that are into everything all the time. And Jeff has to deal with it also, he'll be looking right at me telling me something and I don't hear it though my ears are perfectly functional. My brain is in another place. I'm not sure if it means I need to do whatever ideas come up, it would be nice to, I'd love to but really I don't' have the time for any of it, this is my extent of writing or journaling these days. I guess it's my quick fix, lol!

Blog Addict

Since I've started blogging I became addicted to blogs, reading others blogs and writing my blogs. It's a lot fun. I think it's the glimpse into other real lives that give you humor, or some make you thankful for what you have as some of the problems others are going through really make you appreciate your own and some are great for advice. But this one that I read really makes me break down and cry. It's this very popular blog about a husband of a wife that has Cystic Fibrosis that got a second chance at life after having a baby and a lung transplant. Here it is if you are interested, but it may make you cry. The strength this family has is amazing.

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/2008/02/fast-track.html

Allergic to my house

So I'm allergic to my house. I've never had any allergies in my life until a few days ago. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what it is from. I keep breaking out in very itchy hives and they keep spreading. I had to go to Urgent care to get a shot, didn't help. then to the Doctor's and they put me on steroids, not helping! This sucks! If I leave for a few hours they seem to clear up a little so I think it has to be my house. Jeff offered for me to go stay in a hotel - with all 3 kids! Yeah right, he's dreaming :P

I think it's starting again

ughhhhhhh Fibromyalgia or what ever is causing this. I've felt so good the past year, sure I have the muscle pain when touched but I did not have an actual flare up where everything starts hurting. I think it's starting again though, my knees are throbbing and my upper body is starting to get painful, that would explain all my headaches the last few weeks. I hope and pray that this flare up goes away fast, I'm kind of scared as to how I'm going to take care of the boys if it's anything like the last flare up that lasted months. I'd give anything to feel like I did 2 years ago before all this started.

Arguing

It's amazing how easy you can get over an argument once you have kids. I used to be still upset the next day after an argument. Not any more, I don't have time to stay mad and also I need the help from Jeff to care for the boys. One of the many benefits of having babies.

Am I loosing my mind?

I checked our bank accounts today and about had a heart attack! Our checking accounts were oddly in the negatives, I thought we were victims of identity theft. I attempted to pay the credit cards off that we used for the house flip renovations, we are talking alot of money in credit cards, we closed on the house so we had the money to pay them off and be done with them. Turns out I accidentally paid out of our regular checking account on one instead of business account in which the pay off money was in. We have over draft protection but both of our checking accounts were in the negatives still by hundreds! So after we looked around, I was frantic on the phone with the bank & credit card company, Jeff was yelling at me from the back ground trying to say it was probably just my error! It did turn out to be. I also while trying to online pay off the credit cards accidentally put through somehow an extra payment so we are in the negatives on the credit card meaning we have extra credit beyond the pay off. Luckily all the money that was to go for pay off was taken out of the business account because of the over draft protection but not without them taking the money out of the checking accounts first leaving them negative. It should all be back to normal in a few days and I didn't do too much damage after all just one small over draft fee. I'm loosing my mind! It does not end there, I am constantly loosing everything lately, I'm extremely clumsy these days. I don't know if it's because half the time I'm an insomniac or if it's just mother hood or what! I know Jeff's going crazy, but somehow he still trusts me to pay all the bills! I'm thinking he should start to re think this situation :P

Glenn

I lost a very close friend/boyfriend of mine 8 years ago this month. Glenn Anderson. He died of a heroin over dose. Every time around this year I can't stop thinking about him. There is nothing like loosing someone that you were so close to for years, someone that you shared so many memories with, he was my roommate at times, my boyfriend at times but mostly my close friend I could always call on for anything.
8 years ago in August he decided to take a trip to California before he was to enlist into the military. He had some issues with drugs but was trying to go down the right path. He went to California with a known heroin addict. I spoke with him the day before he died and he seemed to be doing well, he did not tell me that only a few nights before he had taken heroin and overdosed in Mexico, I don't think he wanted to scare me, the last words we ever spoke were a friendly "I love you" and I'm so glad we did speak, I was so mad at him for going to California in the first place with a junkie and we had fought right before he left. They came back to California after the Mexico stint that I was unaware of and did it again only this time was the last time, he died.
When his mom called me I just knew it in her voice. At first I started to tell her that I just spoke with him and he's fine, I was wrong. Amazing how you just know without words of it, I could feel it. So many things in this city remind me of him and bring back so many old memories. Since he died in another State I always think this just has to be some trick up his sleeve, that he's out there somewhere, Maybe in Cuba or traveling the world as he loved to do. It would be so much like him to play a trick like that. He was cremated and sent back here for his funeral so I always thought maybe just maybe that was not him. I could see it now if he were here today he'd be laughing at my suburban life. He was an awesome person and I'm so happy that I was able to know him while he was here.

This song keeps playing in my head when I think of Glenn

The Fray - How to Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you


As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

After his death was a huge transition in my life, while I never did heroin, I was not leading a very good life. Thankfully to God I met Jeff soon after Glenn passed and the rest is history, married the love of my life, have 3 wonderful boys & an awesome step son, my life could not be better.