Mommy Needs A Place To Vent

Creative bug

2008-11-17T00:32:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while I get this crazy creative bug that won't leave me alone, it's like I'm in another place in my mind and I'm constantly thinking of stories I want to write someday or ideas for all kinds of things I want to create. It's neat and annoying all at the same time. I can't sleep as well when this is going on and have a hard time with paying attention to anything else when I'm focused on something I'm doing, not good as I have 3 little boys that are into everything all the time. And Jeff has to deal with it also, he'll be looking right at me telling me something and I don't hear it though my ears are perfectly functional. My brain is in another place. I'm not sure if it means I need to do whatever ideas come up, it would be nice to, I'd love to but really I don't' have the time for any of it, this is my extent of writing or journaling these days. I guess it's my quick fix, lol!

Blog Addict

2008-11-01T12:02:00.007-05:00

Since I've started blogging I became addicted to blogs, reading others blogs and writing my blogs. It's a lot fun. I think it's the glimpse into other real lives that give you humor, or some make you thankful for what you have as some of the problems others are going through really make you appreciate your own and some are great for advice. But this one that I read really makes me break down and cry. It's this very popular blog about a husband of a wife that has Cystic Fibrosis that got a second chance at life after having a baby and a lung transplant. Here it is if you are interested, but it may make you cry. The strength this family has is amazing.

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/2008/02/fast-track.html

Allergic to my house

2008-10-17T11:22:00.001-05:00

So I'm allergic to my house. I've never had any allergies in my life until a few days ago. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what it is from. I keep breaking out in very itchy hives and they keep spreading. I had to go to Urgent care to get a shot, didn't help. then to the Doctor's and they put me on steroids, not helping! This sucks! If I leave for a few hours they seem to clear up a little so I think it has to be my house. Jeff offered for me to go stay in a hotel - with all 3 kids! Yeah right, he's dreaming :P

I think it's starting again

2008-09-28T22:22:00.003-05:00

ughhhhhhh Fibromyalgia or what ever is causing this. I've felt so good the past year, sure I have the muscle pain when touched but I did not have an actual flare up where everything starts hurting. I think it's starting again though, my knees are throbbing and my upper body is starting to get painful, that would explain all my headaches the last few weeks. I hope and pray that this flare up goes away fast, I'm kind of scared as to how I'm going to take care of the boys if it's anything like the last flare up that lasted months. I'd give anything to feel like I did 2 years ago before all this started.

Arguing

2008-09-27T15:23:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how easy you can get over an argument once you have kids. I used to be still upset the next day after an argument. Not any more, I don't have time to stay mad and also I need the help from Jeff to care for the boys. One of the many benefits of having babies.

Am I loosing my mind?

2008-09-11T22:50:00.009-05:00

I checked our bank accounts today and about had a heart attack! Our checking accounts were oddly in the negatives, I thought we were victims of identity theft. I attempted to pay the credit cards off that we used for the house flip renovations, we are talking alot of money in credit cards, we closed on the house so we had the money to pay them off and be done with them. Turns out I accidentally paid out of our regular checking account on one instead of business account in which the pay off money was in. We have over draft protection but both of our checking accounts were in the negatives still by hundreds! So after we looked around, I was frantic on the phone with the bank & credit card company, Jeff was yelling at me from the back ground trying to say it was probably just my error! It did turn out to be. I also while trying to online pay off the credit cards accidentally put through somehow an extra payment so we are in the negatives on the credit card meaning we have extra credit beyond the pay off. Luckily all the money that was to go for pay off was taken out of the business account because of the over draft protection but not without them taking the money out of the checking accounts first leaving them negative. It should all be back to normal in a few days and I didn't do too much damage after all just one small over draft fee. I'm loosing my mind! It does not end there, I am constantly loosing everything lately, I'm extremely clumsy these days. I don't know if it's because half the time I'm an insomniac or if it's just mother hood or what! I know Jeff's going crazy, but somehow he still trusts me to pay all the bills! I'm thinking he should start to re think this situation :P

Glenn

2008-08-30T23:38:00.015-05:00

I lost a very close friend/boyfriend of mine 8 years ago this month. Glenn Anderson. He died of a heroin over dose. Every time around this year I can't stop thinking about him. There is nothing like loosing someone that you were so close to for years, someone that you shared so many memories with, he was my roommate at times, my boyfriend at times but mostly my close friend I could always call on for anything.
8 years ago in August he decided to take a trip to California before he was to enlist into the military. He had some issues with drugs but was trying to go down the right path. He went to California with a known heroin addict. I spoke with him the day before he died and he seemed to be doing well, he did not tell me that only a few nights before he had taken heroin and overdosed in Mexico, I don't think he wanted to scare me, the last words we ever spoke were a friendly "I love you" and I'm so glad we did speak, I was so mad at him for going to California in the first place with a junkie and we had fought right before he left. They came back to California after the Mexico stint that I was unaware of and did it again only this time was the last time, he died.
When his mom called me I just knew it in her voice. At first I started to tell her that I just spoke with him and he's fine, I was wrong. Amazing how you just know without words of it, I could feel it. So many things in this city remind me of him and bring back so many old memories. Since he died in another State I always think this just has to be some trick up his sleeve, that he's out there somewhere, Maybe in Cuba or traveling the world as he loved to do. It would be so much like him to play a trick like that. He was cremated and sent back here for his funeral so I always thought maybe just maybe that was not him. I could see it now if he were here today he'd be laughing at my suburban life. He was an awesome person and I'm so happy that I was able to know him while he was here.

This song keeps playing in my head when I think of Glenn

The Fray - How to Save A Life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

After his death was a huge transition in my life, while I never did heroin, I was not leading a very good life. Thankfully to God I met Jeff soon after Glenn passed and the rest is history, married the love of my life, have 3 wonderful boys & an awesome step son, my life could not be better.

Back to the 80's

2008-08-23T22:53:00.008-05:00

I went to this 80's Karaoke party, it was a lot of fun. Here is my outfit, sexy eh? I was so embarrassed to leave my house looking like I did, and Jeff said he better never see my hair like this again, Aquanet really does work well. I think I could pass for one of my sisters from back then.

My Realizations of raising the wrecking crew

2008-08-20T12:21:00.007-05:00

While I was looking around at my house figuring out what needed cleaning the most. These are the things I was thinking about that I will have to come to terms with while raising my boys over the next few years.

My house will never be clean or organized.

We always have furniture & Walls that ends up dinged, dented, broken, ripped, stained etc.
Oh and electronics broken.

We'll continue to find food caked on things in the kitchen.

It will always be a big ordeal trying to get 3 little boys out of the house and we will most likely be late for everything.

I will always have to make at least 3 different meals the majority of the time, one for Aidan, he doesn't eat anything but kid food. One for Dominic, he can only have a very low fat diet. And then one for the rest of us.

We will not have a good night's sleep or have our bed back to just us for probably the next few years.

Aside from that, I absolutely love these boys, watching them grow, play with each other, giggling through out the house. I'm thinking in maybe 3 years when Dominic is around 3 years old it will be a lot easier to keep the house at bay. Maybe not but I'll remain hopeful.

Aidan's belly infatuation

2008-08-19T13:14:00.005-05:00

I sent this in to this Momtourage site for "weird habbits that kids have" they published it on the site so I thought I'd share

Get Off My Belly!
De-De, Missouri

It all started when I was pregnant with my second child, my 1 year old, Aidan, at the time was still breastfeeding, I quickly had to wean him as my doctor thought it would be best for my pregnancy so when he wanted to nurse I'd have him "hold the baby" instead of nursing. Bad idea! Here we are 2 years later and he's going to be 4 and he still wants to hold and play with what he calls "his belly button". Though he does say he would like me to have another baby so that my belly is big for him. I've tried everything but nothing has worked. We'll be in a store and he'll start reaching up from the bottom of my shirt to find his belly button to play with . He'll whine "I want my belly" when I stop him. It's so embarrassing! It's a very strange habit, I would just like my belly button back! My advice to any woman pregnant with other children, do not allow your kiddos to "hold the baby" in your belly.

Trying something new

2008-08-14T23:35:00.002-05:00

Okay, many days Jeff comes home and I try to hand off the baby if he's been fussy or I immediately start talking about how crazy the day has been, moaning about how the kids have been all day blah blah blah. So starting today I'm not saying anything bad. He has to deal with all kinds of personalities daily at work as a manager, I'm sure there are some of his crew there that are a lot worse than the wrecking crew we have at home! I'm going to see how long this will last but I'm giving it a try, especially after today as it's been a challenging one!

Slingin' Babies

2008-08-14T23:00:00.008-05:00

If you see me out I usually have at least one child in a sling. I'm not one of those crunchy moms or attachment parenting moms, nothing against them, I'm a do what works best for me mama. I was able to work outside the home with both Collin & Aidan until they were well over 1 years old at Cotton Babies because they loved being in a sling while I worked. So many mama's I know have a hard time figuring out some slings like the wraps slings or the ring slings, they just take getting used to, to figure out how to use it, and also for baby to get used to also. I can get so much more done while wearing a sling. Dominic is finally old enough for the Ergo carrier so he can go on my back, I can make dinner, clean, do whatever. It works really well when either Dominic or Collin are having a bad day and want to be held. I currently have 8 slings, maybe I'm a sling addict, but they really do all serve a different purpose. I get stares at most stores I go to wearing a child on my back, or maybe they are staring at me because I have 3 boys so close in age, whatever the case it doesn't matter because I can get out of the house with them this way!

my daily whine

2008-08-14T10:28:00.001-05:00

I woke up to Collin nursing, he was weaned over a year ago! I thought it was Domino. Kind of disturbing. Then Aidan peed all over Collin, my couch & the carpet. I obviously became very upset with Aidan. Not a good day! They want my constant attention or they get into trouble.

Picky Picky Driving Me Insane

2008-08-11T22:09:00.001-05:00

Why can't you use the same spoon for each food type on your plate? Why does is matter if your bread has a tare? Or a piece of your food is broken? I deal with this everyday, a fit to deal with if I put the syrup on the pancakes before I cut them into pieces etc... etc. I can't remember every single day for things that seem so silly to me, I do try but I don't have time to have his food just the way he likes every single time. But they are such a big deal for our boy. We keep telling AJ that is all ends up in the same place or it will taste the same if the syrup is put on first. Everything just has to be a certain way and it's driving me insane!! Had to vent. I feel better now.

what I love about you - warning this is mushy!

2008-08-03T23:29:00.000-05:00

So this is mushy but I've been thinking about writing this for a while now, what I love about all my boys.

Dominic -
I love that you're still so new
I love that I get to be home with you all day
I love the middle of the night feeding when you look up at me and smile making me melt
I love how strong you are for what you've been through and will go through in life
I love it when you are on the changing table how talkative and happy you are

Collin -
I love how free spirited you are, my bulldozer
I love your smile, even when I am telling/scolding you to stop whatever it is you are getting into, you still continue to smile
I love that nothing bothers you
I love how friendly you are to everyone
I love it that you are only afraid of one thing right now, the rain, and that you need to be held through a storm

Aidan -
I love that you are so much like me, too sensitive, a germaphobe, a picky eater the list goes on, you are my mini me
I love that you have taken on the protective big brother to Collin & Dominic
I love when you snuggle my belly even though it drives me crazy most of the time, but I know it will stop soon and then I'll miss it
I love how creative and imaginative you are
I love hearing you laugh to the Upside down show, it always brings a smile so we let you stay up many times too late to watch it just to hear your giggling

Alex -
I love how witty you are
I love watching you play with your brothers and how good you are with them
I love that you are growing up and maturing into an awesome young man
I love that you think I'm a big dork, when really it's your Dad that's the dork you just don't realize it yet
I love that you help out when you are not asked

Jeff -
I love that you cook all kinds of yummy, inventive stuff for me all the time
I love that you are a wonderful hands on Dad to all your boys
I love that even though I'm crazy sometimes you still put up with me
I love that you took the house risks even though I was scared and I could have been a better supporter at times, you did for us, trying to provide.
I love that you are a great husband and my best friend, thank you!

Trying to get some exercise where I can

2008-07-09T23:57:00.000-05:00

For the first time in a long time I actually have the drive to work out. My fybro has been great since having Domino, no flare ups. Of coarse the problem is that we barely have time to fit it in. I used to have tons of time but no drive. Why does it always work this way?? At least I get to run a little. I've been mowing the lawn just because I haven't had time to work out and this is something that is scheduled and has to be done, so I figure why not get some exercise. The first few 2 times it was really hard to do, out in the heat for 1.5 hours, I was feeling bad for Jeff having to do it all the time. But now it's easy, I use my stroller drink holder on it for my water and it's like a good work out with our big front yard.

Real nice

2008-07-03T17:14:00.001-05:00

Jeff came home and I showed him all the blogs I've been busy setting up and he thinks they are silly place to whine. I guess he's kinda right but I personally love reading other people's blogs and updates so why not start my own places to whine about my family & my kiddos.

Who Knew??

2008-07-03T17:06:00.000-05:00

Who knew staying home all day with 3 kiddos was actually harder than going to work, going to work would seem like a break at this point! I love being with my kids all day but some days I want to pull my hair out, poor Jeff comes home from working hard all day to having to hold a fussy baby or having to take care of the kids so I can get something done that couldn't get done during the day. I think in like 2 years it will be much easier when both Dominic & Collin can be reasoned with, I may be wrong on that though, my boys are wild..